God, what the hell's going on?!

My friend just told me something she heard this morning. She sounded stunned and relieved. I am angry and so very sad. Mostly I'm sad for what people do to each other without regard, without love (not romantic or deep friendship love, but just plain love for fellow man; basic goodness of heart) and I'm angered beyond words at the crap some of us have to wade through. Sometimes we are the last to even know that it is crap. I'm talking about being emotionally and spiritually stunted and retarded because of tyrannical and overbearing tendency in the churches that we were raised in as children. The very institution that should embody "true" love and trust was often the place were our small hearts were terrorized. I remember coming home as a small child and the house was empty. Even though my mom was just next door at the neighbors I was sure that the rapture had happened and I had been left behind. I hadn't been good enough. There must have been one unconfessed sin that I didn't even know about.

We are such a f*cked up race. The very thing (church) that should/could be built on pure love and grace has often become the most common place of abuse; abuse of power, abuse of gender and secret and blatant sexual abuse. Souls have been raped and there will be hell to pay.

I'm not sure if I've actually worked through some of my religious "stuff" or if I just don't care anymore. I do know that I have become so very tired of the mental and emotional gymnastics that I have to go through to try to know God. One time Jesus told someone that it would be better for them to have a big rock tied around their neck and be thrown into the sea than to hurt a little child. I guess that gives us an idea of what He thinks about all of this, huh?