"Hide it under a bushel, NO!! I'm gonna let it shine"

Last night I went to see the movie SAVED!. The story is a brave undertaking, the acting is adequate at best, but you do leave the theatre with some questions mulling around in your head. I'm sure that lines will be drawn and "religious" fundamentalist's will righteously object, but then, maybe that's what the movie is begging. Much fun is poked at church doctrine, personal interpretation and the herd instinct of non-thinking believers; but that mentality is worthy of ridicule.

Jesus never called us to be part of the herd; grazing in the fields of a complacent religious subculture. If anything, we have been invited into an radically evolving relationship full of desire, passion and brutal honesty. It wasn't by accident that we were created with a palette of emotion that is often too big or colorful to be limited to the canvas we each call "ME". Contrary to some fundamental, religious teaching, maturity is not marked by our ability to beat our emotions and desires into submission. Like long-forgotten batteries left in an old toy, those desires and emotions will eventually start leaking out like caustic acid. I affectionately call it the "Swaggart-Baker" syndrome.

The ability to trust, from the very core of my being means that every day, hour and minute I will walk into the unknown future with an unabashed childlike desire to be like Jesus. All of the other things, i.e. sin, obedience/disobedience, and lacks and overindulgences will fall into place. There is grace for the growth.

I've been reading the book "Stealing Jesus" by Bruce Bawer. The book is a bit academic, but Bawer, as a practicing Episcopalian who happens to be gay, tackles the questions that many people who are exploring relationship with God are asking.

As believers and banner-wavers for God we often need to ask ourselves what the hell we are doing! Are our churches social clubs where we come to insulate ourselves and make us feel better about the lives we choose to live and the choices that we make? If part of being a "Christian" required us to "life swap" with others less fortunate than ourselves would we still claim faith? What if I woke up tomorrow and found myself the single mother of five child in a third world country; would I still believe?! What if, by some strange twist of fate my life began as an abused child of a drug addict, and now I find myself alone, homeless and dying of AIDS? Jesus said that how we treat others is how we treat him. I could have been one of the "others".

Tomorrow is Sunday. As we drive to our church, Jacob's Well, I want to remember constricting and religious bondage that I once embraced.

My prayer will be:

O Lord, here I am now bowing humbly down before your throne of grace I am in awe of your unmerited love in spite of my sinful ways.

O Lord, here I am still trembling and clinging to you my Strength and my Shield. O Lord, I feel the pain this wretched existence of sin is writhing within my soul.

My Father, my Teacher, my Master the Lifter of my trampled spirit the Author of all that is righteous and holy all praise and all glory to You my sweet Savior in You sweet Lord Jesus I rest...I rest...I rest...
O my Sweet Lord Jesus Savior Gave yourself and set me free I lift up my voice and praise You are worthy, You are worthy Lord...